Here I Go Again

The badminton tournament ended last week. Monday night, I was able to do yoga for 30 minutes. I  took a shower, made a smoothie, washed the dishes, read a little bit then I felt sleepy. It was just 9 pm! I took advantage of it and went straight to bed. I probably fell asleep around 9:30. And because of that, I woke up at 6 am the next day. Hallelujah! 

Last night, I tried to sleep early again but I got to bed around 10 pm. I was having menstrual cramps so I was not able to exercise which I assumed was the reason why I felt sleepy later than the night before. I did not use my alarm clock this morning though and woke up at 6:30. I don’t consider it a regression because of my current situation. I even felt dizzy (still) when I got up. Like I had to sit down for a while and make sure that I have my balance before I could stand. Oh the monthly struggle, it’s real! 

Is “Single Blessedness” a Thing?

Author’s note: I had to redo this whole thing because I clicked on something and just like that, my whole post was gone. *insert crying emoji*

I posted a picture of my valentine date with my girlfriends and my cousin-in-law (Hi, Ate Sha!) commented that I looked good…must be the “blessed singleness”. Now, just between you and me, whenever someone compliments me on my looks, my insides do a backflip, screaming, “Oh my gosh, she just said I look good!!!!” but outside, I’m like, “oh, uhm, thanks!”, like it’s not a big deal. Let’s just keep that our secret, shall we?

Now, that comment got me thinking, “I look good because I’m blessed to be single?”, hmmm….

I noticed that during Valentine Day a.k.a Single Awareness Day, a lot of social media posts from single people were explaining why they are happy. That does not make sense to me. For example: #oklangwalangboyfriendbusognaman but I did not see #oklangmayasawabusognaman. Is it always assumed that when you’re single, you’re not happy unless you do something extraordinary like eating a meal that looks good on Instagram? 

I really do not get the “single blessedness” label. If it such a blessing, why am I too willing to give it up? Seriously, if the right guy comes knocking at my door tomorrow, heck, even tonight, I assure you that that single watchamacallit would be out the window real soon! I mean, I consider Bradley (my car) a blessing and if you tell me now that I would have to lose it, I won’t talk to you for a week or even more.

I don’t know, I think we are putting too much and too wrong expectations on our relationship status (or lack thereof) label. Whatever good thing that could be seen in me and my life right now, let me tell you, being single has the least to do with it. Single might be one of my adjectives but there are a lot of other words that I am as well. I am a woman, daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a demisexual, a heteroromantic, a career woman, a church officer, a backpacker, a scuba diver, a blogger, a reader, a driver, a Filipino, an islander and the list goes on. 

Most of my friends are already married now. There are times when they are happy, sad, in love, mad, blooming, having a bad hair day, excited…just as I am. Sad thing is, sometimes they have to put on a happy front because society expects them to act that life is rosy because they have a family. A friend even said that she does not want to talk about the ugly side of marriage when I’m around because I might get discouraged and not get married.

I guess the point of this post is that there is more to life than the labels that society gives us and we would probably be happier if we don’t cave in. 

No need to pretend. No need to defend. Life has its ups and downs, single or not. 

So if you want to be happy, be.

Movie Reaction: La La Land (Spoiler Alert 🚨)

 I watched this movie without expectations, whatsoever. I did not know what it was all about. I loved the “old” vibe of the movie and it was a musical…it’s been a while since I watched a musical. 

This movie is painful! I don’t mind that they went their separate ways in the end. They already told each other that they were not sure about what would happen to them when they both decided to pursue their dreams. The girl went to Paris as an actress, the other stayed in the States as a musician. They just said that they will always love each other. 

Do you know what is painful? That last part when Mia (Emma Watson), watched that musical performance of his with her husband and upon hearing the music, there was an alternate reality that went through her mind. One where they did not have to struggle, all their endeavors were successful, and they were a happy family. It hurt to see her teary eyed and him, distracted with his welcome spiel. He was playing that piece sorrowfully in the end. They were there for each other when they were nothing! What happened to them when they were successful that they did not end up together? Had they grown apart? Did they fall out of love?

Again, I would not really mind that they split. But I mind that they are still in love when they saw each other but they are not together. They cannot be together. 

Is that really how it goes, if you go after your ambition, you would lose the love of your life? Is that really a price to pay? 

Day 4 Wo:rse am

Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission. Do you copy?

Today, I did not even eat breakfast. I just woke up, prayed, showered, got dressed, rushed to the devotional. 

Time check: 7:31.

I got up a couple of minutes before 7. My body felt too heavy to get up. I tried sleeping early last night but I can’t. I ended up reading until almost midnight. I need to reset my body clock but I’m not holding my breath for that one just yet.

Badminton tournament is still going on until the end of this month. I will TRY to sleep early each night but I have to hope that my body would cooperate with all the adrenaline rush it gets during games. 

Day 3 Fa:il am

I had to stay up late again last night because my sister asked for my help after badminton. I literally didn’t have the energy to get up this morning. So I got up at 6:58 am.

Today:

  1. Got up.
  2. Prayed.
  3. Took a shower.
  4. Got dressed.
  5. Went to staff devotional.

Time check: 7:27 am.

I keep going to the devotional earlier though. That’s still good, right? I just hope to sleep early tonight. #struggleisreal

Day 2 6:29 am

Okay, so I guess this is regression. But…I actually have an excuse for it. I played badminton last night. I was so tired, my body takes a while to cool down. I would still be hyper a couple of hours after an intense physical activity so I got to bed around 11:30, I read for maybe 15 minutes, and then decided to try going to sleep. I fell asleep in a short while.

Today:

  1. I got up.
  2. Said my prayer.
  3. Got out of bed.
  4. Took out my frozen bagels
  5. Drank a glass of warm water
  6. Cooked scrambled eggs and toasted the bagels
  7. Ate breakfast
  8. Took a shower
  9. Dressed up
  10. Went to the staff devotional.

Time check: 7:29 am

So, even if I got up later than yesterday, I made it a couple of minutes earlier to staff devotional. I had to miss morning exercise though. I thought I’d give myself a break because my body can’t take it. I was still feeling a bit tired when I got up.

Effect of waking up early:

Yesterday, I did not feel hungry until I got my lunch due to the heavy breakfast I was able to have. BUT around 11 am, my eyes already had trouble staying open. I literally had to go to the bathroom and get some shut eye for a couple of minutes just to be able to function. I went to bed past midnight the night before so it’s no surprise. I’ll see if I could make it through today without falling asleep while on the job.

ADULTING

I was one of those kids who could not wait to grow up and be on my own. I have always imagined myself having my own place and being in control. Being the eldest among siblings, I constantly have to act matured and responsible. It was not very hard to do it, I was it.

Now that I have reached actual adulthood and experiencing the freedom and independence that I have long dreamed of, I feel good…well, most of the time.

There are times when I dream of the time when I was sick as a child and have been coughing the whole night, I would hear my mom in the morning telling everyone to let me sleep in because I did not have much sleep during the night. I would feel so warm and relieved deep inside knowing that I could rest and just get well.

Now, as an adult, no matter how little sleep I had the night before, I have to drag my butt to the shower in the morning to get ready for work because I have deadlines, I have responsibilities, I need to show up. Oh adulting…sometimes I wish I could just pause you for a while.