A Test?

Today I just want to throw in the white towel. Blame it to the lack of sleep but my patience is definitely being tested today. Last night, I had a feeling that my tire was flat while running but I did not bother to stop and check. Today, I was told that I would probably need to replace that tire. I love that car, I feel safe in it but right now, I don't think I can deal with it. I seriously want to sell it already. I could do without a car for a while.

My Quickbooks is giving me a hard time as well. There is a report that is not printing out correctly even after I spent the whole day yesterday trying to remedy the situation. I don't know how I would proceed without a significant misrepresentation.

There are days when everything is fine and dandy. NOT.TODAY.

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Confused. Again.

I don't know where else to express my confusion. Twitter and my notebook were apparently not enough. I feel confused because I don't feel accomplished. When I am at the top of my game, I am confident, sure. Not right now. I know that everyone goes through this and eventually, things would be all great again but now is a time when I have to crawl figuratively through everything just to have some motion, just to keep moving.
For now, I just have to keep telling myself this: you will have it figured out when you need to have it figured out.

Oh, To Be Young!

No one has to fight aging, as long as they’re aging gracefully, and hopefully, healthily. So for the young(er) ones, enjoy the pace of life. Do not try to grow up too fast so when you’re old, you would not try to act the way you would when you were young. Remember, you will always be young in an older person’s eye. Someone will always tell you, “oh, you’re still young!” I still get that at 32.

There is no elixir to stop aging but if you would embrace the skin you’re in (sounds like an ad), and even the hair you have, you would not look old so fast. Just take care of yourself, avoid harsh chemicals, eat healthy, sleep well, exercise, hydrate.

I thought about writing this because I remembered my mom. She had her hair straightened but her hair is naturally curly. I wish she would let her hair grow out and have nice haircut. Just have some treatments to tame her hair. I think she would look prettier with that.

I know the flow of thoughts is not smooth…but I will not apologize. hahaha…I acknowledge that that is how random my thoughts go. One idea leads to the next so now, there is no cohesive thought. Okay, I’ll stop now.

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Elixir

Books And Self-Esteem

I volunteered on screening books that would go into our library so I have just finished four books about middle school. This made me realize that generally, all books’ main characters are average, indecisive, with annoyingly low self-esteem, clumsy oftentimes, but with an amazing hidden talent but they think they are not good enough. They have friends who are pretty, confident, more willing to explore things.

I do not have any background in literature so I don’t know if this was some literature formula that the authors have to stick to to make the stories engaging or what. I am just wondering if these books are feeding the readers’ low self-esteem. Like, you should be totally unsure of yourself until some handsome guy helps you reach your full potential. 

I am also wondering if the stories are made that way because most bookworms are awkward in real life and have low social skills, to make them (us) feel better about ourselves? 

Most popular kids are not very much into curling up in their bedroom, reading books, you know? They’re out there, enjoying life, making adventures, having fun. Plus, you know what they say, good writers are excellent readers. So these authors were the awkward ones too before? Haha… I don’t know where I am going with this. It’s just an interesting observation. 

Sunday Currently Vol. 4

Feeling under the weather the whole weekend so I have no choice but to stay home and wait until I’m all better.

Reading “What’s So Great About Christianity” by Dinesh D’Souza. I have only read three chapters so far. It is very informative. I like how it is written, no emotional manipulation, just facts.

Writing this blog entry. Oh, and speaking of writing, I am so glad that a rather sensitive email I sent last Friday actually got a positive reply. I am so glad that my boss backed me up on that one. I was really scared after I sent that email.

Listening to my fan and the sound of cars outside.

Thinking of how I would feel better the soonest and also how my being friendly feels like a curse sometimes. I hate it when married guys try to push their boundaries especially when I am friends with their wives. Ugh. I am NOT that kind of woman, I am just really friendly! 

Smelling nothing. Runny nose! *insert crying emoji*

Wishing to feel better really, really soon! I hate being sick.

Hoping that no friendship would have to be given up this time, that commitments would not only be kept but respected.

Wearing my loose tank top that I bought in Bangkok and my soft, blue capri.

Loving the chill time I have right now. If I was feeling well, I would have been scrubbing and cleaning right now.

Wanting to lose my tummy fats!!!

Needing to feel well. Do I have to say that again?

Feeling sick, weak, nauseous. Wahhh!!! I can’t take this anymore!

Fasting Experience 

I have an over the top relationship with food. A couple of years ago, when I was about to go somewhere else, my friends prepared a video tribute for me. 90% of the video was about my love for food.

I am going through a spiritual journey and one thing I have never done was fasting. Given my aforementioned relationship with food, I thought it would be impossible for me to survive even just a day without it. Past experiences have shown me that when I skip a meal, I get super cranky, like Godzilla level. Also, I get so nauseous even just after half an hour of delayed food. Hypoglycemia or something. 

We had a spiritual camp meeting a couple of weeks ago. The speaker, Andrew Michell related his fasting experiences. There were no mind-boggling miracles that happened but there were definitely great unexpected things and ideas. I felt that it was the right thing to do because I was feeling a plateau in my spiritual life as well.

We had an intimate dinner with him after the camp meeting and I asked him how to prepare for fasting. He said I have to know the purpose of why I am doing it and I should start skipping supper so that my stomach would get used to being empty for longer time. I thought I would do that for two weeks and then I would fast. Come Friday, fifth day of my preparation and I thought I should start already. 

I have a lot of requests that need answers, personal, for my family, and for our church.   We needed to raise $3000 for the next couple of days and as of that day, we have only collected $450. It was also the best time to start because I observe the Sabbath. It would be a great time for my stomach to rest as well.

I planned on doing a 24-hour fast, from Friday sunset to Sabbath sunset. I ate my supper at 5 pm on Friday. I had a nightmare that night because my body was not used to eating at night anymore. Other than that, the fast went on smoothly. I did not feel any struggle. I was actually surprised that I was alert the whole day, I did not feel sleepy even during my nap hours. 

The Sabbath day ended and I went home from church, did some chores, ate a pear and drank soy milk. I did not research well though on how to end a fast. Apparently, I was not supposed to eat a regular amount of meal. We had a celebration in church that night which, of course, included lots of food. Again, given my relationship with food, I ate and even had some dessert. The result was me not sleeping until 2:30 am. 

Nothing spectacular happen during the fast. After the fast though, my prayers seemed to be a lot more focused and clear even if I was already sleepy. And today, the amount that we needed to raise is almost met. We’re only short by $104. Of course, I would not take credit for that because the whole church prayed about it but I believe my prayers helped. 

Despite some errors that I could have avoided to make the experience better, that first fast was good enough. I would definitely want to make fasting a regular part of my life.

Here I Go Again

The badminton tournament ended last week. Monday night, I was able to do yoga for 30 minutes. I  took a shower, made a smoothie, washed the dishes, read a little bit then I felt sleepy. It was just 9 pm! I took advantage of it and went straight to bed. I probably fell asleep around 9:30. And because of that, I woke up at 6 am the next day. Hallelujah! 

Last night, I tried to sleep early again but I got to bed around 10 pm. I was having menstrual cramps so I was not able to exercise which I assumed was the reason why I felt sleepy later than the night before. I did not use my alarm clock this morning though and woke up at 6:30. I don’t consider it a regression because of my current situation. I even felt dizzy (still) when I got up. Like I had to sit down for a while and make sure that I have my balance before I could stand. Oh the monthly struggle, it’s real! 

Vivid – Yes, That Is How I Would Describe It

via Daily Prompt: Vivid

I have watched The Intern again tonight, which stars Hollywood A-Listers, Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway. Jules’ (Anne) lines when they were in the hotel talking about her husband’s infidelity could have been my very own.

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That last line is too familiar to me. It said that in my mind many, many times. Isn’t that the struggle of most, if not all, successful women today? It’s like, you have to go to school, get good grades, be competitive even but when you get married, make sure that you are not more successful than your husband.

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Ben’s (deNiro) advice is so sound but I wish it were easier in real life.

That conversation.

The feels.

Vivid.

 

 

Movie Reaction: Moana

They got the island vibe right! The dances, the rituals, the coconuts, the tattoos. I was smiling at the island scenes because I see those things in real life. I’m so lucky, I know. Don’t be too jealous. I love being an island girl! I’m even thinking of growing out my hair again to really look the part.

The story, however, for lack of better word, is bland. I probably expected too much given the tweets I read about Moana last Oscars when they did not win the Original Song award. Watching the movie with kids who have already watched the movie more than a thousand times was not a good idea too. The songs were good great. I loved her song when she was summoning Te Ka/Te Fiti whose heart was stolen by Maui. I know that the movie is supposed to be a feel good movie. However, Disney usually have strong plots to make the movie feel good. I can still remember how much I cried for Brother Bear when it was revealed who killed the little bear’s mother. How relieved I felt when Anna was saved by true love, which was not from any man but from her sister’s. You get the point.

I felt like Moana was too protected. When she started her journey, her struggles seemed a little too easy for me. She was so smart, she did not do anything stupid. She went against her father’s wish to not go beyond the reef, yes, but it did not have any real consequence. She was not disowned, her father did not have a heart attack, or anything like that. He only got mad. Besides, it was not a stupid decision because her people would starve if she stays. She was not in any real danger because the ocean always, always protects her. She doesn’t even have to swim. Maui did not even feel bad against her for long.

The movie did not keep me on the edge of my seat nor did anything to my emotions and I love being turned into an emotional bowl of mush whenever I watch Disney movies. I think the conflicts were just too fast, they get resolved in just a few scenes, there’s no time to feel bad so I did not really feel the contrast of feeling good afterwards.

Still the music is great, Maui was funny, the island was beautiful, I loved the dances of the island people, like seriously, why are islanders very graceful dancers? The best part was probably when she was able to deceive Tamatoa by using bioluminescence (let me tell you, they are amazing, AMAZING in real life! You would feel like a fairy underwater with them around, everything just glows!). I’d be waiting for the next Disney animated movie.