I just felt compelled to type a blog entry because it’s been too long since the last time! It’s already the second month of 2019 and I still have not had any posts. I planned on sharing a lot of things before the year ended last year but I had a mild anxiety attack in the middle of December and all the way through the first two weeks of January. I am fine for now but I avoid being alone for long periods and I exercise as much as I can. Like I really make time to go to the gym, not just the short 15-minute exercises though they are really good too. I try to get long, regular sleep, and meditate on the words of God when I wake up and before I sleep. Last year’s emotional turmoil still has some effect on me as I still get easily rattled by unexpected changes but I guess that is my new normal now. I think God is teaching me to not be a control freak anymore because life would always have its twists and turns. The control freak in me just wants to know what would happen next each time and when I don’t, I get so anxious.
I’ve read through the books of Samuel and now I am in the books of Kings. I read them a chapter each time and it’s amazing how stories from the old testament, the books that are usually boring, would give me the exact message I would need for the day. I’m really grateful that my devotional life has finally improved and is now intentional and not obligatory. It’s amazing how it happened right before the anxiety attacks came. It kind of prepared me and gave me something to hold on to on days that are harder to get through.
Anyway, for now, I would also like to say that friends have helped me so much and finding a family on the island is such a huge blessing. Everytime my anxiety would come, I just try to think that I am in a growing phase and that I could only grow outside of my comfort zone. I just have to endure and this will not go on forever. I would eventually get to a place of comfort once I’ve grown as a person and then when I need to grow again, I would inevitably go through this again. It’s fine. As long as I know I God is with me, I know that I got all I need not just to survive but to thrive.