Am I Being Stupid?

It’s a new month again. Another month off my countdown. A few more and I’ll be saying goodbye to the place I call home for the past four years (almost). I’m still being asked if I’m really leaving and if there is still a chance for me to change my mind.

Honestly, I am in a point now where I am feeling scared. I have a job here…a big portion of our professionals are struggling to find a job that could make ends meet. I am in a good environment, no pollution, no traveling required to get to the workplace, I don’t have to pay for rentals, I have a car (that I love so much but I could not bring it home), I don’t have to worry about religious freedom, there is an assurance of a salary fortnightly. Why would I leave, right?

There are times when I would think of a lot of what ifs. I am also starting to feel homesick for this place. The people, the place, the activities…and the list goes on. I have adapted the island way of living.

Sometimes, I wish I am like most people. With that, I mean the people who has dreams that go like this: finish school, find a job, get married, get promoted (several times), have kids, retire. Life could have been a lot simpler for me and I would have gone a lot farther in my career already.

But as life would have it, I always choose to let go of things that are stable. Uncertainty definitely scares me…but certainty also does. If I don’t leave now, I know almost exactly how I would be years from now. I don’t have to look far, I just have to look around. There’s nothing bad with what I’m seeing, it’s just not how I dreamed my life to be.

I honestly don’t know where I’d be after Palau. I don’t have exact plans yet. I don’t know if there ever will be. But you know what the best part of my decision is? I started dreaming again. I would sometimes lose sleep thinking of all the possibilities. I would have an opportunity to work on what I really want. For that sole reason, I think I am making the right decision.

The quote that inspired me four years ago, inspiring me again now.

Author: ojgetsanotherblog

A hormonal, overly emotional know-it-all.

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